“All Is Fair In Love And War” Meaning, Origin and Examples

Last updated on October 8, 2024 by Liam Daniel

The saying “all is fair in love and war” is a common one when thinking about the English language. You are likely to hear this phrase regularly throughout your life in many conversations. But what does this saying mean and where did it come from?

“All Is Fair In Love And War” Meaning, Origin and Usage

Key Takeaways

  • The phrase “all is fair in love and war” means that during situations of love and conflict, people may break the usual rules or behave in ways that would otherwise be considered unethical or unfair. It suggests that in these intense situations, normal standards of behavior can be set aside because the stakes are so high.
All Is Fair In Love And War
All Is Fair In Love And War – Created by 7ESL

“All Is Fair In Love And War” Meaning

The phrase “all is fair in love and war” means that in certain situations, especially in matters of love and conflict, people are allowed to use any tactics or methods, even if they are considered unethical or unfair. It suggests that the rules of conduct can be relaxed when it comes to love and warfare, as the stakes are perceived to be exceptionally high.

Examples:

  • “She was willing to do anything to win his heart—after all, all is fair in love and war.”
  • “In the business world, they sometimes play dirty, but they believe all is fair in love and war.”

Origin of this idiom

This phrase was first used in 1579 in a text written by a man named John lyly although it was worded slightly different yet had the same meaning. The exacting wording of “all is fair in love and war” can first be found in the novel “Frank Fairleigh” which was written in the late 1800s.

Usage of “All Is Fair In Love And War” 

  • In a romantic situation:

“He used some sneaky tactics to win her over, but all is fair in love and war.”

  • Talking about competition:

“She didn’t play by the usual rules to get the promotion, but all is fair in love and war.”

  • In a playful context:

“I know you sabotaged my chances, but all is fair in love and war, right?”

  • Describing a conflict:

“They used every trick in the book to outdo their rivals, but as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war.”

Related Terms to “All Is Fair In Love And War” 

  • Anything goes – indicating that there are no rules or restrictions in a particular situation.
  • The ends justify the means – suggesting that achieving a desired outcome can warrant the use of unethical methods.
  • By any means necessary – a phrase implying that one will use whatever tactics are required to achieve a goal.
  • Desperate times call for desperate measures – indicating that extreme situations may require extreme actions.
  • Love conquers all – suggesting that love can overcome any obstacles, often leading to unorthodox choices.
  • War is hell – highlighting the brutal nature of war, implying that traditional moral constraints may not apply.
  • All bets are off – indicating that normal rules or expectations do not apply in a given situation.
  • Play to win – implying a competitive approach where the focus is on achieving victory, regardless of tactics.
  • Break the rules – an expression of willingness to disregard established guidelines in pursuit of a goal.
  • Tactics of war – referring to strategies used in conflict, which can sometimes be viewed as unethical or aggressive.

Other Ways to Say the Phrase

There are, as with most idioms, other ways you can express the meaning of all is fair in love and war, some of these might be;

  • The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war.
  • In love and war, there are no rules
  • Unfair behaviour is allowed in some situation
  • In war, usual rules are broken

“All Is Fair In Love And War” Examples

This phrase could be used to describe a situation in the workplace, for example if a particular employee seems to be constantly favored by the boss and is always getting perks, this may seem unfair but there aren’t any rules about it so you might use the saying “all is fair in love and war”.

It could also be used to talk about your reaction to an unfair situation where someone has done wrong by you and so you then retaliate with an equally wrong action, whilst it may not be the right thing to do “all is fair in love and war”.

Conversation examples:

The phrase can be used in a variety on conversation, some of which might play out a little like the examples below.

Conversation 1:

  • Person 1: I am so angry at the way John treated me, so I decided to play him at his own game.
  • Person 2: Well it might not be right but all is fair in love and war.

Conversation 2:

  • Person 1: I really want to date that girl but she has a boyfriend.
  • Person 2: Why not try to woo her anyway?
  • Person 1: That wouldn’t be fair on her partner.
  • Person 2: Well all is fair in love and war.
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